The Role Of Mindset In Romantic Relationships
They have different goals and expectations in terms of romantic relationships as well as friendships. Expectations are influenced by people’s mindsets. People who are fixated on revenge have a hard time handling rejection. Others enter relationships in the hope that the relationship will work. Understanding and forgiveness are essential to a successful relationship. Some people want to avenge their hurts when they have been hurt by a friend or lover. Relationships can be difficult. For a relationship to succeed, both parties need to have commitment and goodwill. Growth-minded partners can resolve conflicts more easily than those who have a fixed mentality. In relationships, you can cultivate a growth-mindset by having realistic expectations, forgiving others, acting pro-actively, communicating well, and avoiding accusations.
A relationship can only succeed if both partners put in the effort. In order to have a successful relationship, a person must work hard and not worry about the constant compatibility with their partner. Carol Dweck states in Mindset – The New Psychology of Success: “The Growth Mindset” says that these traits can all be developed. All of you, your partner, the relationship and even yourself are capable of growing and changing” (188). The person who has a fixed mind wants an instant and perfect relationship. To overcome a fixed mindset in a romantic relationship, one must believe that a relationship can be changed and grown. It is important to believe that you can change your relationship. This will motivate you to keep working on it. Positive evaluations promote happiness in relationships. When partners emphasize the positive attributes they each bring to their relationships, satisfaction increases. Morry Tara Mie explained that, “more positive evaluations about the behavior of a relationship partner relative to strangers correlate with higher closeness and quality in relationships” (371). Positive evaluations increase the closeness between partners. Negative assessments, in contrast, can cause partners to become more distant. Positively evaluating each other leads to greater satisfaction than evaluating each other negatively. To maintain a growing mindset, it is important to focus on the positives in the relationship. Positive evaluations can reduce partners’ doubts about their relationship’s success. Positive evaluations also make partners feel understood. Relationships cannot fail due to the negative characteristics of another partner. Positive aspects can be used to accentuate negative ones.
Notably, proactive personalities can promote growth mindsets in relationships. When partners are proactive in solving their problems, relationships can be successful. Thompson and Travis write in “Self-Oriented forgiveness and Other Oriented forgiveness: Shaping high-quality exchange relationships” that those with a proactive character are capable of making calculated maneuvers to reset the context of the relationship after a transgression. A proactive personality is one that looks for ways to improve relationships. A proactive person believes that relationships can be improved. A proactive character avoids negative actions in a relationship. By using proactive techniques, you can minimize the negative effects of your actions.
A successful relationship is dependent on effective communication. A couple would try to communicate effectively and accurately with one another. Dweck says that it is difficult to accurately communicate and even harder to resolve and expose conflicting expectations and beliefs. Conflicts are part of every relationship. Communication is key to resolving conflicts between partners. Communication is important for partners because it helps the relationship to work. Proper communication can also help to solve problems the partners may have. Relentless efforts are the key to building great relationships. Self-disclosure occurs in relationships when there is a growth mentality. Self-disclosure can be maintained by partners in relationships who share information with each other about things that are hurting them in their relationships. Kito Mie’s “Self-Disclosure among American and Japanese Students in College Relationships” references a 1978 study by Critelli & Dupre, where “64 couples found a significant correlation between self-disclosure & loving” (128). It is important to be honest with each other in a healthy relationship. It is not a good idea to assume that your partner knows what you are going through. They can harm a relationship by encouraging unrealistic expectations of the other party. Disclosure of one’s self can reduce misunderstandings. Self-disclosure helps partners better understand each other. Self-disclosure is not a tool to manipulate other people in relationships. Communication is more efficient when people are open about themselves.
It is harmful to relationships for people to assign blame. When relationships are difficult, people shouldn’t blame each other. Fixed mindsets view problems in relationships as indicators of partner flaws. Dweck states, “When people have a set mindset, they blame their partner when discussing conflicts.” It’s not uncommon for them to blame others, or even themselves. Conflicts can be the catalysts for understanding between partners. Conflicts can be used to strengthen relationships. Positive emotions can help develop a growth-mindset in relationships. Positive emotions can bring joy to the relationship partners. Positive emotions help to resolve conflicts in relationships. Kaczor Christopher says in his book “Aristotle Aquinas Seligman: Happiness”, “Positive Emotions are Important for Happiness, but A Person’s Happiness is Augmented if They Are Engaged In Meaningful Work And Achievement” (196). Partners should instead use positive emotions in their relationship to resolve problems, rather than assigning blame. Positive emotions must be grounded in objective reality. Positive emotions can lead to a flourishing relationship. Positive emotions encourage both partners in the relationship to engage fully. The partners that have positive emotions feel good about the relationships and realize the importance of working hard to keep the relationships strong. In order to avoid negative emotions, partners must think positively.
A relationship can also be strengthened by forgiveness. Forgiveness improves the quality in relationships. Gull, Shabbir and others explain in “Manifestation for Forgiveness, Subjective Wellbeing, and Quality of life” that “Forgiveness involves a mental, spiritual, and emotional process which includes ceasing resentment against someone else, feeling anger or indignation, or ceasing any demands of punishment or reparation.” Forgiveness restores happiness and peace to a marriage. A Growth Mindset encourages one to forgive their lover. On the other hand, a Fixed Mindset creates feelings like revenge. A growth-mindset reduces feelings resentment. Before someone can be forgiven, they must admit their mistake. For relationships to be successful, people need to learn how to forgive instead of retaliate.
Relationships are not always easy. Because no one is flawless, mistakes can be made in relationships. A person who is growth-oriented is concerned about making a partnership work. In contrast, a person who is fixed-minded is focused on a perfect romance. Positive evaluations of each partner are important in any relationship. Positive evaluations decrease negative emotions. In relationships, provocation is essential because it allows for problems to be dealt with before they escalate. In relationships, a proactive person doesn’t blame the other party. A proactive person mitigates negative effects before they ruin a relationship. Communication between partners should be optimized. It is easier for partners to solve problems when they communicate effectively. People who are concerned about relationships and want them to grow should not blame their partner for things not working out the way they expected. The partners should realize that every person has their flaws. These flaws don’t indicate a relationship failure. Couples shouldn’t use the flaws to end a relationship. They should learn how to compliment each other and show appreciation. A relationship can only thrive if both partners are forgiving.
Works Cited
Dweck Carol S. Mindset: the New psychology of success. Random House Inc. published the original text in 2006.
Journal of Behavioral Sciences 23.2, 2013: 17 – 36. ProQuest. Web. 10 Dec. 2017.
Kaczor, Christopher. Journal of Psychology and Christianity, 34.3 (2015), 196-204. ProQuest. Web. 10 Dec. 2017.
Kito, Mie. The Journal of social psychology145.2(2005): 127-40. ProQuest. Web. 10 Dec. 2017.
Morry Marian M. Tara Reich Mie kito “How do you see me in relation to my self?” The Journal of social psychology. ProQuest. Web. 10 Dec. 2017.
Thompson, Bryant & Travis J. Simkins. Self-Oriented forgiveness and other-Oriented forgiveness: Shaping high-quality exchange relationships. Journal of Management and Organization, 23.5 (2017), p. 741-65. ProQuest. Web. 10 Dec. 2017.
